The Words given by A Dad That Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to open up amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - taking a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I believe my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."